


Enough

by Musicania



Series: Jackbum Title Fics [12]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Idol AU, M/M, Song fic, other members are just mentioned in passing, this is me being insecure about their contracts expiring in a year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21799276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/pseuds/Musicania
Summary: Jaebum had always been there for Jackson, giving him advice and helping when whenever he needed it. When they were trainees working together towards debut, when they were dormmates, when they were roommates. It was only recently that Jaebeom started doubting himself. Watching Jackson do countless incredible things on his own and achieve so many of his dreams without Got7 made Jaebeom question his place in Jackson's life. Question if he was enough for the person Jackson was becoming.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Jackson Wang
Series: Jackbum Title Fics [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069
Comments: 15
Kudos: 124





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> New Readers: If you want you can find out more about this series and get caught up on previous works [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069).
> 
> This fic is based off of 'Eclipse' of their album Spinning Top: Between Security and Insecurity which was released in May 2019
> 
> I was actually going to post this last weekend but then Jaebeom made that Instagram post about how he wanted to be happy/ missed being happy and while I know this is fiction, I didn't feel comfortable posting a fic which talked about poor mental health when the real life person I based one of the characters on was going through a rough time himself. I hope he's doing better ♥️

The harsh grating of his cell phone vibrating against the wood of the nightstand woke Jaebeom. 

He groaned and opened his eyes, momentarily confused about where he was. The wall colour was wrong for it to be the dorm, but then he remembered that there was no dorm anymore, that they all lived on their own. 

But he wasn't in his new apartment either.

The unfamiliar scent of the fabric under his cheek reminded him he was in a hotel, was in Japan for their Japanese release tour. 

He grabbed the phone and felt his stomach drop at the name and picture illuminated on the screen. He quickly slid his finger across the screen and brought the phone to his ear. “Jackson?” He asked, his voice deeper and hoarse from all the rehearsals the day before. 

“Hi Hyung.” Jackson asked, his voice familiar even if it sounded like it was in as rough shape as Jaebeom's was. 

“Jackson are you okay? Why are you calling me at,” he pulled the phone away from his head to check the time. “Three in the morning.”

“I couldn't sleep.” Jackson said. Jaebeom heard the rustle of fabric as Jackson moved. “And I missed your voice.”

Jaebeom sighed. Jackson _would_ call him in the middle of the night for no reason. Well, not for no reason. Jaebeom missed him too. They hadn't spoken in… God had it really been weeks? They'd finally been given a break and instead of actually taking one Jackson had flown back to China to continue his solo activities. Jaebeom had been enjoying relaxing and getting caught up on all the things he hadn't had time to do while they were on tour and doing album and repackage promotions. And then he was preparing for the Japanese tour. 

Guilt curled in his stomach. The two had texted often enough but Jaebeom hadn't actually _spoken_ to Jackson in over two weeks. He felt like he'd failed as a leader. Like he should have down a better job at keeping in communication with his members. 

He felt like he failed as a friend too. He knew probably better than almost anyone how needy Jackson was, how much he craved attention and affection from the people he cared about. How much he worried when he felt like he was being ignored, worried that he’d done something wrong. 

He remembered when Jackson first and decided to move and expand his brand into China how Jaebeom would always used to turn around, wanting to say something to Jackson and then his heart sinking a little when he realized that Jackson wasn't there, always reaching for his phone to ask if Jackson wanted to do lunch or dinner before deflating a little when he remembered that Jackson wasn’t in the country. 

He wondered when it changed, when it became normal for him to not look for Jackson. To get used to not having Jackson leaning against him or holding his hand. To get used to not hearing Jackson’s voice or his laugh as he joked around with the other members.

He didn't like it. He was disappointed in himself that he hadn't even noticed he'd gotten so used to not thinking about Jackson. Considering how important Jackson was go him he had a shitty way of showing it. 

“I miss _you_.” Jackson continued.

Jaebeom closed his eyes. “I miss you too.” He replied honestly.

“I couldn’t sleep and I just… I remembered when we used to be roommates. How we used to turn out all the lights and just talk until one of us fell asleep.”

“You mean until _I_ fell asleep.” Jaebeom said, a smile curling his lips. It had never been intentional on his part, falling asleep in the middle of Jackson’s worries. He always felt bad about it, like he’d somehow let Jackson down, but Jackson had never held it against him.

A soft laugh came from the other end of the phone. “Right. But even then it was still comforting just hearing your breathing, knowing that you were there.” He paused. “Sometimes I miss the dorm.” He said quietly.

Jaebeom laughed. The dorm had been a piece of shit. Not anywhere near big enough for seven men, a shitty layout and some of the appliances didn’t work properly and no matter where he turned there was always at least one other person just there. Privacy was non-existent and their patience was thin most days.

If he hadn’t recently moved into his own place he would have thought that Jackson was absolutely _insane_ for missing that place. But now he understood that it wasn’t really the dorm that Jackson missed, but the time where they were all together. Sure, it was exhausting having six other people constantly in your personal space and in your business but when Jaebeom fell onto his couch when he got home from work his place was just so _quiet_. The dorm had been frequently too loud but being surrounded by the others felt like home in a way his new apartment just didn’t. He had thought he felt like that simply because he hadn’t lived there long but hearing Jackson, who had lived on his own longer than almost all of them, say that he missed the dorm made Jaebeom wonder if he would ever feel that sense of home again in the same way he used to.

He enjoyed having his own space, he always had, and he appreciated it now far more than he had before he entered the trainee dorms. But he still recognized the value in being surrounded by people he loved too.

“We’ll all share one room for our next world tour then.” Jaebeom said with a smile as he rolled over, shoving his phone between his head and his pillow and pulling up the blankets some more. “That’ll remind you how grateful you are to be out of there.” 

Jackson laughed, a more subdued version of his loud hyena laugh but it still made Jaebeom smile the way it always did. Jackson always did so much to make the team happy and raise their spirits. It always filled Jaebeom with warmth when he could do the same for Jackson.

He sighed. “What's wrong Jackson?” He asked softly. If Jackson was calling to reminisce about the old days in that cramped room that was always too hot no matter how many fans they turned on then there must be something bothering him. “Tell me what's bothering you, like you used to.”

“Hyung, I really just—"

“Sseun-ah,” Jaebeom interrupted. “Tell me.”

He heard Jackson sigh before the younger launched into a rant that started with how guilt be felt about having to scrap the release of Faded _again_ and how he knew it was the right thing to do but he felt so bad for all the staff that worked so hard to make it. Then he moved onto how he was struggling in the studio and then into how he was getting sick again.

Jaebeom wished he had any idea what to say to help Jackson but all of the things that were causing Jackson pain were out of his control. Sometimes he wished he could just grab Jackson and lock him in a room somewhere without his phone or work for a few days. He wished he knew how to get Jackson to stop working, even just for a day, but Jackson seemed determined to work himself into an early grave. Jackson’s dreams were so big and he had more determination and drive than anyone Jaebeom had ever met. He had no doubt that if there was anyone on the planet that could achieve all the things Jackson wanted to do, it was Jackson. But he also worried about the cost of all of that, thought about all the things Jackson was sacrificing to achieve those dreams.

He understood at least a fraction of Jackson’s drive. Despite being the most recognized member, or perhaps because of it, Jackson also got the most hate out of all them—perhaps second only to Bambam. He knew that Jackson pushed himself so that he could prove that he had talent and that he deserved to be in Got7 no matter how many times the other six told Jackson that it wasn’t needed. Jaebeom wished that everyone saw what the staff and members saw on a daily basis because there would be no doubt in anyone’s mind about how hard Jackson worked, how talented he was or if he deserved to be in Got7.

_“Hyung.”_

Jaebeom inhaled sharply and opened his eyes. When had he closed them?

“You're falling asleep aren't you?” Jackson asked, his tone fond. 

“Am not.” Jaebeom replied stubbornly. 

Jackson chuckled. “Go go sleep Jaebeom-hyung.”

“No, you're not done.” Jaebeom said, running his hand over his face in an attempt to wake himself up a bit more. 

“It's okay.” Jackson said. “I feel better just from talking to you. I really do miss you you know. I miss all of you.”

“We miss you too Jackson. Work hard, do well, and we'll celebrate all the amazing things you've done when we see you again, okay?”

“Okay.” Jackson replied. 

“And Jackson?”

“Yeah?”

“Get some rest.” Jaebeom ordered. “You know how much the fans worry about you.”

Jaebeom did too, but he knew that Jackson was far more likely to do something because of the fans than because Jaebeom wanted him to.

“You too, hyung. Have fun in Japan.” Jackson replied.

Despite nearly falling asleep on Jackson, Jaebeom wasn’t able to fall asleep after they’d hung up, too worried that Jackson was pushing himself too hard, being too hard on himself, taking on more than he could bear. He was only just dozing when their manager knocked on his door, calling through the wood that Jaebeom needed to get up.

Jaebeom groaned something unintelligible into his pillow but it seemed to be enough for his manager to move along to the next room since he didn’t knock again. Jaebeom felt like shit as he pushed himself out of bed, putting on whatever clothing his hands touched first, a hoodie and jeans, before going down to the dining room.

Yugyeom and Jinyoung were sitting together at a table, Yugyeom on his phone and Jinyoung absently looking out the window, his fingers curled around his coffee. Jaebeom sat down next to him. “Where is Jackson?” He asked without preamble.

Jinyoung turned from the window and Yugyeom looked up from his phone, both of them giving him identical confused and slightly concerned looks.

“Hyung, Jackson doesn’t promote in Japan with us anymore.” Jinyoung said slowly, turning to face Jaebeom more.

Jaebeom resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I _know_ that,” he said. “But it occurred to me last night that I don’t actually know where he is anymore. I know he was going to the U.S. Has he left yet?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to answer, but then his brows knitted together in a frown and he looked at Yugyeom instead. 

The youngest shook his head. “He’s in China now. He leaves for the States tomorrow I think.”

Jaebeom wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that Yugyeom knew Jackson’s schedule better than he did. 

“Is everything okay?” Jinyoung asked, looking worried. 

Jaebeom shrugged. “I guess so? He called me last night, stressed out about a few different things and just…tired. You know how Jackson gets stuck in his own head sometimes.” Both of them nodded. “I think he’s okay, he just needed to talk it out a little bit.”

“I miss him,” Jinyoung said quietly as he stared into his coffee. “It’s weird, I talk to him almost every day, but I still miss him.”

Jaebeom knew that feeling. Texting with Jackson was fine, but because of who Jackson was it wasn’t anywhere near the same as having Jackson next to you, there was so much about him as a person that didn’t get conveyed through a phone, either calls or texts. 

“I worry about him too,” Jinyoung continued. “He’s doing too much, stretching himself too thin.”

Jaebeom understood that feeling too.

“But it’s not like we can stop him. Jackson is his own person and he has his own goals and dreams,” Yugyeom said, sound older and wiser than he usually did. “We can’t hold him back just because we’re worried about him. He wouldn’t listen to us anyways.”

Jaebeom suspected Yugyeom was speaking from experience on that last point. He nodded though, because he was right. “I know,” he said. “We just have to be there for him and support him in any way we can.”

Jinyoung and Yugyeom nodded in unison before Youngjae joined them and they moved onto lighter topics of conversation.

≪ ≫

The door opened and Jaebeom looked up, startled, when a few of the members started screaming. 

Yugyeom was closest to the door and shouted "Jackson!" at the top of his lungs as the rapper walked in the room, the maknae hurrying over to wrap him in a hug. 

Jaebeom smiled as Bambam and Youngjae went over to greet him as well before Jackson grabbed Jinyoung and hugged him, pulling their foreheads as he said something Jaebeom couldn't hear over the music that was still coming from the speakers. 

Mark stayed seated next to him, both of them waiting for the more exuberant members to welcome Jackson back before getting him themselves. He looked exhausted, but that was kind of the new normal for Jackson. It was far more normal for Jaebeom to see him with darkness under his eyes and a slight hunch in his shoulders than not. Jaebeom had at one point thought about putting Got7 on a short hiatus just to give Jackson a chance to rest but he learned during their break earlier in the year, the Japanese promotions and the Jus2 promotions that when Got7 wasn’t promoting Jackson always found a million and one other things to do instead. There was certainly no shortage of people who wanted to work with him and Jackson, having a drive and work ethic like no one Jaebeom had ever seen, was willing to work with all of them.

Jaebeom was conflicted. On one hand, he was so proud of Jackson. The man had accomplished so many of the things he used to dream about back when they were trainees. He’d done so many things in the last year alone that it made Jaebeom’s head spin. But he was still worried about the cost, the toll it took on Jackson to do all of that.

He knew Jackson didn’t like doing nothing, that just sitting at home for extended periods of time made him anxious. When Jaebeom tried to coax him into resting Jackson would just say that they weren’t going to be young forever, they weren’t going to have these opportunities forever; he said he’d kick himself later if he passed up on some incredible chances because he was sleeping in. And Jaebeom understood that, he did. He was only twenty six but he felt the toll of hectic tour schedules and insane comeback promotions much more than he had when they first started out. What Jackson said made sense on the surface, but Jaebeom couldn’t help but think of all the times Jackson had to be taken to the hospital in the last year alone.

“Hyungs,” Jackson said, pulling Jaebeom out of his thoughts as he collapsed on the couch between Jaebeom and Mark, placing a hand on both their thighs and squeezing. “How are you?”

“Glad to have you back,” Jaebeom replied honestly.

Jackson sent him a smile, twisting so that he was leaning his head against Jaebeom’s shoulder. “It’s nice to be back,” he said. “I missed you guys.”

“We always miss you Jack,” Mark replied reaching out and ruffling Jackson’s hair.

Someone finally turned off the music and the others came to crowd around the couch, Jackson sitting up and the seven of them caught up until Yugyeom shifted gears into work mode and insisted they get up and start learning their new choreography. 

The rehearsal went later than usual, the routine had quite a few waterfall effect kind of moves and it had taken seemingly forever for each of them to get their timing right for it to look smooth and clean. They were by no means ready for promotions, but it was a good start for the first day. Jaebeom’s limbs were sluggish as he packed up his stuff. It was just after eleven— _far_ from their latest stop time—but he was tired.

He once again thought of Jackson’s point that they couldn’t keep up their pace forever and Jaebeom concluded that he had to agree with him on that point at least. 

He listened in as the boys continued to fill Jackson in on all sorts of things that he’d missed since they last saw him. Jaebeom was talking with Jinyoung about nothing in particular when Jackson sidled up next to him. “Hey, I haven’t seen your new place yet,” he said.

“Yeah, and you probably never will,” Bambam said from behind Jaebeom. “He _never_ has us over.”

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ to,” Jaebeom sighed, pretty sure this was the eighth time having to defend himself. “There’s just…too much cat fur in my home.”

“Which makes sense for Youngjae and Yugyeom,” Bambam said. “Bro, I have almost as many cats as you do.”

“And yours don’t have any _fur_!” Jaebeom said, exasperated

Jackson looked up at Jaebeom with those puppy dog eyes that Jaebeom knew were his downfall. “Please hyung?”

Jaebeom heard Jinyoung chuckled softly from beside him. “And he caves in three…two…”

Jaebeom elbowed him. 

“Please hyung?” Jackson asked. “Just once? Just a quick tour and then I’ll be gone?”

“No.”

He made it to the parking garage before caving in, too tired to deal with the mood Jackson was in at the moment. And it wasn’t like Jaebeom didn’t _want_ to have Jackson over, wasn’t that he didn’t want to have _all_ his members over. He had gotten used to them in his personal space years ago. It was just a bit…embarrassing he supposed, to open the door and see cat fur drifting around. Made him feel lazy or like a shitty housekeeper or like some kind of crazy cat lady. 

The rest of the members teased him for being weak for Jackson, but Jackson looked so damn happy and proud of himself that it was hard to Jaebeom to care all that much. 

He was surprised to find out how nervous he was when he let Jackson into his apartment half an hour later though. The rest of the members hadn’t seen it since he first moved in and it was basically just empty. Jaebeom had decorated it now, added his personal touches and made it his own and it felt like he was letting Jackson see something far more personal than just a house. 

Jackson was surprisingly quiet as Jaebeom showed him around, just taking everything in without comment. The most reaction he got was when Jackson laughed and sent Jaebeom an amused smile when he saw the gag housewarming gift he’d sent Jaebeom after he'd first bought the apartment. A large framed photo of him making that famously stupid face. The one he always got mad at the fans for blowing up, gluing on posters and bringing to concerts and fansigns but that he never stopped making. It had company now along one of his bookshelves in Jaebeom's living room, residing with other photos Jaebeom had added to the collection: his family, friends, the rest of the members, some of his favourite photos that he’d taken around Korea and abroad. Jaebeom had never intended on actually keeping the thing, and he was sure Jackson didn’t think he would either, but it made him smile every time he looked at it and he’d never had the heart to throw it away.

“It looks great, hyung.” Jackson said with a tired smile as they stepped back into the hallway from the last stop on the tour: Jaebeom's bedroom “It reminds me of you.”

“Thanks?” Jaebeom said, not sure if that was a compliment or not.

“I should go home. I’m dead.” Jackson said through a yawn.

Jaebeom looked at his watch and frowned when he realized it was already one. Jackson didn't exactly live all that close to him either. It'd be well after two by the time Jackson finally made it home and to bed. “It’s late, just stay here.” He said, surprising even himself. Considering he was dead set against having Jackson in his home not even two hours ago what he was doing inviting him to stay over was beyond him. 

He tried to tell himself that it was just out of concern for Jackson, who was already tired before the hours of rehearsal. But another part of him liked having Jackson all to himself. He rarely had the chance to hang out with Jackson anymore outside of Got7 activities and he always had to share Jackson with all the other members and staff who adored Jackson just as much as Jaebeom did. Perhaps that was why Jaebeom didn't mind being woken up in the middle of the night by Jackson's calls. Sure it meant some lost sleep, but it was really the only time he had to have significant, serious conversation with Jackson these days. Now that Jackson was here and his sole focus was Jaebeom, Jaebeom found that he wasn't ready to give that up.

Jackson looked at him for a moment before a playful smile crossed his face. “Sleepover!” He cried, running back into Jaebeom’s room, the soft _thump_ that followed a second later told Jaebeom that Jackson had probably thrown himself on Jaebeom's bed.

“Yah! I meant in the _spare room_ dumbass!” Jaebeom called, even as he went to the linen closet to grab a spare pillow and blanket for Jackson to use.

He entered his room to find Jackson lying face down on his bed, limbs sprawled all over the place.

He swatted one of Jackson’s thighs. "Up.”

Jackson whined but did as he was told, standing up so Jaebeom could pull his blankets over to one side of the bed before handing Jackson his own pillow and blanket. “Thanks hyung.” He said, tossing the pillow next to Jaebeom’s and lying down again. 

“I’m going to shower. Do you need anything else?” Jaebeom asked.

“Nope.” Jackson sighed into the pillow. “Night.”

“Goodnight Jackson.”

Jaebeom hurried through his nighttime routine, his limbs feeling heavy with exhaustion. Some days he thought he was getting too old to be an idol, that maybe he should retire and focus on composition or production; but then he’d hear a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Bambam laughing and calling him an old man and he’d suck it up. He knew he’d miss it and the fans far too much anyway he quit.

He smiled when he heard Jackson’s snoring as he opened the bathroom door about twenty minutes later. It was weird how a sound that used to drive him crazy when they shared a dorm room was familiar and almost soothing now. Jackson only snored when he was exceptionally tired and Jaebeom was glad that he’d asked Jackson to stay over, even if it meant sacrificing half of his bed. 

Jackson was lying in the exact same position that he’d been in when Jaebeom left the room; he didn’t even cover himself with the blanket.

Sighing, Jaebeom crossed over to him, unfolding the black comforter and carefully covering Jackson with it, making sure he was tucked in properly before crawling into his side of the bed.

The movement must have woken Jackson because he mumbled Jaebeom’s name.

“Sorry,” Jaebeom whispered. “Go back to sleep.”

“Your bed is comfy.” Jackson rambled.

Jaebeom huffed. “Jackson. _Sleep_.”

“Did you get bossier while I was gone?”

“I swear if you don’t go to sleep I will tape your mouth shut.”

Jackson was silent for a few minutes and Jaebeom thought he’d finally gone back to sleep. But then he said, “kinky,” and Jaebeom couldn’t stop the laugh from escaping. He picked up his pillow and whacked Jackson lightly before stuffing it back under his head, turning to see Jackson looking at him with tired eyes and a small smile.

“I missed you,” Jackson said quietly, reminding Jaebeom of a three in the morning phone call from a few months ago.

“I missed you too,” he replied honestly. “I always miss you," he whispered. It sounded ridiculous, but it was true. He found himself missing Jackson earlier that night when Jackson was just on the other side of the room. Since Jaebeom started paying more attention to Jackson's schedule he realized how little time he actually got to spend with him. Something in Jaebeom just wanted to hang onto Jackson, afraid if he let go Jackson would just disappear again. 

Which was stupid. Jackson wasn't going anywhere. Except to sleep. "Get some sleep," he repeated. 

Jackson nodded, shifted a little bit before obligingly closing his eyes. 

Jaebeom studied him for a moment longer, not unhappy Jackson was in his home, but curious as to why Jackson wanted to sleep next to him. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d shared a bed, probably their trainee days or around the time of their debut? They hadn’t even shared a room in years, not since the dorm since Jackson usually roomed with one of the maknaes or on his own during their tours. 

He wondered if something was bothering Jackson, only realizing in that moment that maybe Jackson didn't want to go home after practice because he just didn’t want to be alone or something. He’d told Jaebeom once or twice that just hearing someone breathing, knowing someone was there, was enough.

After a few moments, Jaebeom decided that he didn’t really care about the reason. He trusted that if something was bothering Jackson and he wanted to talk about it, he would. So he took a few minutes to just stare at Jackson, glad to have Jackson back with them, with _him_ , before closing his eyes and going to sleep himself.

≪ ≫

The first thing that Jaebeom saw when he woke up in the morning was Jackson. Jackson with his mouth agape, drool pooling on the pillow under his cheek, scruff darkening his jawline and upper lip and his hair sticking in at least six different directions. 

Jaebeom couldn’t stop the smile from stretching across his face. Jackson looked ridiculous and Jaebeom was _so_ fond of him.

Jackson’s phone vibrated on the nightstand behind Jackson and Jaebeom was worried that he’d wake up, but Jackson only closed his mouth, sighed and went back to sleep.

Jaebeom thought about going back to sleep but Jackson’s phone vibrated again and Jaebeom frowned. Jesus, did that thing ever stop?

Jackson stirred again but didn’t wake and that was enough for Jaebeom to get out of bed, walking around and picking up Jackson’s phone. He held it for a moment, debating if he should take it with him or not. Did Jackson have any schedules this morning? As much as he wanted Jackson to sleep, he didn’t want Jackson to be late for something because he knew Jackson would never forgive him for that. 

He decided to take it with him. In all the years he’d known Jackson he’d always set an alarm for himself if he needed to be up. Jaebeom saw no reason that Jackson would have changed that habit, so he slipped Jackson’s phone into the pocket of his sweatpants and headed out of the room to feet his hoard of cats who were pacing around the hall, irritated that Jaebeom had locked them out for the night.

He’d fed the cats and made himself a cup of tea, settling on the couch with one of his books when Jackson’s phone began to chime loudly from his pocket. His alarm. Jaebeom pulled out the device and turned off the alarm, walking back into his room to wake Jackson. 

"Sseun-ah," he said as he gently shook Jackson's chest. "Get up,"

Jackson slowly blinked his eyes open, confusion falling across his features as he looked around before clearing when his eyes landing on Jaebeom. "Hey hyung," he said, his voice even more raspy than usual. Jaebeom hadn't realized he'd missed that unique tone. 

Jaebeom help out Jackson's phone. "It kept buzzing so I took it. I tried to let you get some sleep, but your alarm just went off."

Jackson took it. "Thanks," he said though a yawn as he sat up and rubbed a hand over his messy hair. 

"Do you want something to eat or to grab some clothes?" Jaebeom asked.

Jackson sent him a soft look, somehow made even softer as he was wrapped in Jaebum's blanket in his bed. "Thanks, but I should go home first."

Jaebeom nodded. "Alright."

He went to the kitchen as Jackson called himself a ride, grabbing some fruit so Jackson would at least have _something_ to eat before joining him in the foyer. "There is a car close by," Jackson explained as he put on his shoes. "I'm going to wait in the lobby to save time."

Jaebeom nodded and handed over the apple and banana. "Are you alright?" He couldn't help but ask. 

Jackson accepted the fruit with a curious look. 

"It's just… You don't usually want to share a bed with any of us. I was just worried that something might have been bothering you," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and wondering if he'd read way too far into things.

Jackson just stared at him for a moment before stepping forward and gently wrapping Jaebeom in a quick hug. "I'm okay," he murmured before pulling back. "But thank you for caring."

"Always," Jaebeom replied, wondering if Jackson was really aware just how much he meant it.

≪ ≫

Something was bothering Jackson. It was obvious to everyone in the meeting room but any questions about it were just brushed off or ignored. Jaebeom could see tempers rising, his own included, but Jackson was stubbornly trying to convince them that nothing was wrong at the same time as he sat alone and silent in the corner chewing worriedly on his lip.

“Jackson, just tell us what’s _wrong_ ,” Jinyoung snapped, his patience for sullen and distracted Jackson probably having worn out about an hour ago.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Jackson said.

“You don’t look fine.”

“Then stop _looking_ at me,” Jackson shouted, his own patience apparently having worn its way down to nothing. “I said I’m _fine_ , back the fuck off Jinyoung.”

Tense silence filled the studio before Jinyoung muttered something under his breath, grabbing his bag and storming out, the door slamming behind him sounding louder than usual.

“Let’s call it a night,” Mark said. “I don’t think we can get any more work done tonight.”

Jaebeom didn’t argue, simply nodding.

The others got to their feet, Bambam looked like he desperately wanted to go to Jackson, but when Jaebeom caught his eye and shook his head Bambam’s expression fell and he nodded before following Youngjae out of the studio. 

Jaebeom was surprised Jackson didn’t run out of the room like his ass was on fire, but he stayed where he was, his elbows on his knees as he stared at his hands, probably regretting what he’d said to Jinyoung. 

Jaebeom wasn’t worried. Jinyoung could hold a grudge longer than any of them, but not against Jackson. Not seriously anyway. Jinyoung would dive into the sun itself to help Jackson and Jaebeom knew he was just frustrated that Jackson wasn’t letting him in. Jaebeom himself had a heaviness in his chest for that same reason. 

“Get your stuff,” Jaebeom said in a do-not-argue-with-me tone. 

Jackson didn’t argue, quietly grabbing his bag and sliding it over his shoulder. Jaebeom did the same, leading Jackson out of the studio and out onto the street.

“We’re going for a walk,” Jaebeom decided, having too much pent up frustration to just go home.

Jackson didn’t seem to care, falling into step beside Jaebeom. “Where are we going?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Jaebeom said. “I’ll figure it that later, just walk.”

Jackson made a noise that might have been a laugh, but he just slipped a mask over his face, pulled up his hood and didn’t argue. 

Olympic Park was across from the new JYP building, which seemed like a good place to start. It was getting dark and the few people that were walking around seemed to mostly be tourists and no one gave Jaebeom or Jackson a second glance as they wandered slowly along the edges of the path, each of them lost in their own thoughts. 

Jackson hadn’t called him. Jaebeom knew that Jackson could do whatever he wanted to and that there was nothing saying that Jackson had to call him when he was feeling troubled, but he’d been doing it for months, hell, _years_ , and the fact that Jackson wasn’t letting him in this time made him feel…uneasy. Partly because he was worried for Jackson and whatever it was he was going through, but also because Jackson was going out of his way to _not_ tell Jaebeom, to not tell _any_ of them. Was...was Jaebeom not good at giving advice? Did Jackson find someone else that was better at helping him? Was Jaebeom not good enough anymore?

He thought of all the things Jackson had done lately, all the problems that he'd called Jaebeom with in the middle of the night. It only made him feel smaller. Of course Jaebeom was of no use to Jackson anymore. What did Jaebeom know of the things Jackson was doing now? Being forced to cancel American television appearances? American concert performances? 

The more he thought about it the smaller he felt, like a mere stick floating on top of the crashing waves that were Jackson Wang and his career. Jaebeom knew, he _knew_ , that whatever Jackson was going through how that it would all work out in the end. It might not be perfect, hell, it might not even be okay, but it would work out because this was Jackson Wang and he didn't let himself get beaten down by anything. Or, at the very least, didn't let himself stay down. 

He glanced over at Jackson, his feet halting when he realized Jackson wasn't beside him anymore. He turned around, his eyes scanning the crown for the dark red hoodie Jackson had been wearing. 

He started backtracking, more worried than he probably should have been as he tried to spot Jackson. He was pulling out his phone to call him when he spotted a familiar figure sitting on one of the concrete barriers next to the pond. They were small and circular and barely big enough for a person but Jackson had tucked his feet under him in a way that reminded Jaebeom of his cats. 

"Jesus Jackson, tell me next time you're going to just stop like that," Jaebeom sighed, dropping down on the block next to Jackson's. 

"Sorry," Jackson murmured, eyes on the water in front of him. 

Jaebeom stared at him, stomach twisting painfully as he tried to figure out what to say. He shouldn't say anything, right? Jackson hadn't asked this time. And it wasn't like Jaebeom had the experience to be able to say the right things anyway. Maybe he should have let Bambam take over. His journey was far closer to Jackson’s than Jaebeom's was. Maybe his selfishness, his desire to want to keep Jackson for himself, his desire to want to be special to Jackson, wasn't what was best for Jackson after all. 

“I yelled at Jinyoung on the day before his birthday,” Jackson said. “I’m an awful friend.”

Jaebeom had to laugh at that. “Jackson, if you look up ‘friend’ in the dictionary, you’ll find your picture. You epitomize everything that a good friend should be and every day I am grateful that I get you call you mine.” Jackson sent him a soft smile. “Jinyoung will get over it. He’s just upset that something is obviously bothering you and you won’t let him help you.” He looked away. “I understand that feeling,” he said in a small voice.

Jackson exhaled loudly. “It’s stupid, that’s why I haven’t said anything. And there is nothing that either of you could do anyways and I already know what you’re going to say so I was just trying to save everyone the conversation.”

“And now look where we are,” Jaebeom commented.

Jackson sighed again. “I’m just stressed about my album release, that’s all. Everyone had worked so hard and I feel like I have so much riding on this and the past few months have been so shitty and I honestly have no idea how the fans are going to receive this album considering how—"

"Jackson, stop," Jaebeom ordered gently. 

Jackson did, turning and looking at Jaebeom seriously. 

"Are you happy with what you've come up with?" He asked. 

"Of course I am," Jackson replied. 

"Then let that be enough," Jaebeom advised. He knew how stressful it was to release your music, especially the more personal and emotional pieces. In a way it was like standing naked in front of the whole world. He _got_ that. "I know what it's like to want people to love your music as much as you do, and I know what it's like when they don't."

Jackson expression softened somewhat. "What do I do if it's a flop? If months of hard work and hours of other people's time just blows up in my face?"

"Quit."

Jackson's eyes nearly bugged out. "No fucking way."

Jaebeom smiled, knowing that would be Jackson's reaction. "Then you ignore the stuff you couldn't change, learn from the stuff you could and try to do better next time."

"And if next time doesn't work either?" Jackson muttered. 

"Then you do the same thing all over again. Because you are Jackson Wang and you don't let people beat you down. And if they do you let me know and I'll kick their ass for you."

Jackson smiled at him. "Thanks hyung. I feel a bit better. I should have just talked to you in the first place, then I wouldn't feel guilty on top of stressed."

Jaebeom laughed. "Do you want to grab dinner?"

Jackson shook his head. "I think I'm going to go and find Jinyoung."

"Yikes," Jaebeom said. Taking on an angry Jinyoung before the twenty four hour cool-down period was over was a bold move. "Good luck."

≪ ≫

Another music video done. 

The group all wanted to go out for drinks to celebrate the completion of filming for their new comeback, but Jaebeom decided not to go with them. He was in a weird mood and didn't think he'd be good company so he went to the studio at JYP instead to work on some music. Unfortunately his weird mood continued and he just sat there for about fifteen minutes staring at the screen, not knowing quite what to do. 

He was about to just go home and call it quits for the day when the door opened behind him, Jaebeom turning and blinking in surprise at who he saw. "Jackson?"

Jackson gave him a small smile. "Hey hyung."

"I thought everyone was going out?"

Jackson nodded, walking further into the studio. "They are, but you didn't seem like yourself earlier. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Jinyoung told me to leave you alone to be an emo hermit on your own,” Jackson went on to say, making Jaebeom smile. “But I just wanted to make sure.”

God Jaebeom adored this man. “I'm okay Sseun-ah, just a bit of an off mood. Go out and have a good time."

Jackson didn't look convinced. "I know I spend a lot of time whining about my problems to you, but you can talk to me if something is bothering you, right?"

Jaebeom nodded. "I know," he said even though his usually go-to was Jinyoung. 

Jackson studied him for a moment longer before nodding. “Okay. Call me if you want to talk later.”

Jaebeom returned the nod. “Have a good night.”

Jackson just waved and turned to leave, the sight making something in Jaebeom’s chest tighten a little. This was why he was feeling weird. The group had been putting out ideas for their sixth fanmeeting earlier that day. _Sixth._ Somehow they’d been together for six years already and now only had one year left on their contracts. They hadn’t talked about it in years, not since they swore to each other after debut that they’d stay together forever, which now just felt some stupid promise between teenagers. Jaebeom wanted to continue, wanted to stay as Got7 and even though his feelings about JYPE were another matter entirely, it was worth it because he had these six in his life, he had their fans in his life. 

As he watched Jackson turned to leave he realized with such a severe starkness that Jackson had no reason to stay. That one day, a day far sooner than Jaebeom would ever be ready for, he might see Jackson turn to leave and he might never come back. It was obvious to everyone that Jackson was more popular by far in China and had much more control over his schedule and his music. Personal relationships aside, staying in Got7 didn't make much sense for Jackson professionally. Jaebeom knew that even if Jackson chose not to renew his contract it wouldn't really change them, knew that Jackson would always be a part of his life because the two had gone through far too much together for it to be any other way, but it wouldn’t be the same. Without a reason to come back to Korea every few months, without world tours with the group, it was entirely possible that Jaebeom would go months on end without seeing Jackson, an idea that at the moment seemed so abhorrently unfathomable. 

“Jackson?” Jaebeom heard himself say.

Jackson looked over his shoulder, one foot already out the door “Yeah?”

“I’m worried about you,” Jaebeom said honestly.

Jackson frowned and re-entered the room, letting the door click shut behind him. “Me? But...I’m doing okay?”

Okay was probably an understatement. “I know,” Jaebeom replied. “That’s…that’s honestly part of the problem.”

Jackson’s frown deepened. “Hyung, you’ve totally lost me.”

"You're doing so well, so _insanely_ well and while a huge part of me is just so fucking _proud_ of you, it also scares me a little."

"Why?"

"Scares me because of what it means for your future, for Got7's future."

"Why would that scare you?" Jackson asked, taking a step closer to where Jaebeom was seated. 

"Because I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid all the incredible things you're doing will pull you away from Got7…from _me_. I'm afraid of losing the late night phone calls because while you're away they're the only things that make me feel close to you. I'm afraid of losing all our inside jokes, losing the way I just feel better from having you beside me; I don’t want to lose any of that. I don't want to lose _you_.”

Jackson was across the room in an instant, climbing onto Jaebeom’s lap, his hands reaching out and cupping Jaebeom’s face tenderly. “Why on Earth would you think that you would lose me? That any of those things are going to change?” He asked, something almost like fear on his face as he studied Jaebeom.

Jaebeom wrapped his hands securely around Jackson’s thighs and pulled him closer. “I just… You're outgrowing Got7," he said, the words like knives on his tongue as he admitted a truth he'd kept buried for too long. 

Jackson looked floored. "Why would you say that?"

"Seriously?" Jaebeom asked. "Look what you've managed to accomplish! Look at how many brands are begging to endorse you, how many people want to collaborate with you, how many records your album is breaking," he swallowed thickly. "I just wait for the three am phone call where you're going to tell me that you don't need Got7 anymore."

Jackson just stared at him. "Don't need… Jaebeom you absolute idiot," he said with a soft smile. "Saying I don't need Got7 is like saying I don't need my parents. Sure, I don't need them to feed or dress me anymore but I'd die without them." He leaned closer. "Just like Got7. Just because I've released music without you doesn't mean I don't still need and want to be with you guys."

"That's not the same comparison at all," Jaebeom sighed, though he was honestly so relieved that Jackson felt they were on the same level as his parents, who the entire world knew Jackson simply adored. 

"It is though," Jackson argued. "I was able to find my voice, find my style and learn how to use my voice in so many different ways because of you. Your music and your producing pulled new things out of me. The parts you gave to me always suited me so well, even if they weren't things I thought I could do. You gave me the confidence to try new things, to push myself further which ended up leading me to Mirrors." 

It was Jaebeom's turn to stare. He… he hadn't known Jackson felt that way. 

Jackson's expression somehow became even more fond and he leaned forward to press a soft kiss against Jaebeom's lips. "You really don't know how fucking fond I am of you do you?" He asked, looking amused. 

Jaebeom shook his head dumbly, trying to belatedly process the feel of Jackson's lips against his own and wondering if he could convince Jackson to do it again. 

Jackson laughed. "Hyung, I love you, I love you so much. I have for forever. Why do you think I always call you? I feel guilty for it all the time but when I'm sad or scared or angry or hurt one of the only people I want to talk to is you. You just…make things better. I know you believe in me and with your confidence it makes me want to work harder, to make you proud."

"Make me proud?" Jaebeom echoed. "Jackson you have no idea how proud I am of you. I just… Maybe I'm not as confident as you are," he said with a self-deprecating shrug. "I worry that I'm not good enough for you anymore, that you don't need me anymore." His voice was barely a whisper by the end, but since Jackson was still sitting on his lap of course he heard. 

"Im Jaebeom you are among the greatest men that I know," Jackson said seriously, a small frown forming between his brows. "And I don't know what you think you need to do for me, but all I need from you is you, your calming voice, your smile whenever you look at me, hell even just your quiet breathing on the other end of the phone when I call you in the middle of the night." He sighed and shifted closer. “Got7 is my _home_. Sure, I might leave and try my own things but I can only do that because I know, win or lose, my home is waiting for me when I finish, that _you_ are waiting for me.”

A part of Jaebeom found that hard to believe. How on earth was _he_ the one Jackson wanted? There was very little remarkable about him, especially in comparison to Jackson who was remarkable in so many ways. 

But a large part of him didn't care. Who was he to argue with Jackson? If this incredible person decided that Jaebeom was something special than who was he to say otherwise? He'd make sure to work even harder to be the person that Jackson believed he was, to be a person Jackson could say he was proud to know. To be a person that he could be proud of himself. 

"So you'll never get too famous for Got7?" Jaebeom asked, relaxing into the chair just a little bit.

"I'm famous _because_ of Got7. I would never leave something behind that was so important to me." His eyes dropped to Jaebum's lips again for a moment. "I would never leave some _one_ so important to me."

Deciding to just go for it Jaebeom asked, "So is kissing a new thing we're going to keep doing or…?" His voice trailed off, not wanting to give Jackson any other options to choose from because he was pretty on board with this whole kissing thing. 

Jackson flushed a little. "Sorry, I may have gotten carried away."

Jaebeom slid his hands up to Jackson's face. "Anything I can do have you get carried away more often?" He wondered. 

Jackson looked at him in surprise for a moment before a smile split his face. "I can think of a few things," he said. "Like laughing, singing, smiling, breathing—"

Jaebeom shut him up with a kiss. 

* * *

**Lyrics:**

You’re still shining for me

You’re always like a miracle

My heart is still the same

But my confident self

Is missing somewhere, I can’t see it well

Can I be a shelter for you

Sometimes I’m scared of myself

The feeling of responsibility is rushing

And I’m worried it might hurt you

When the shadows fade from the light of “you”

(Can’t see) It confuses me again

(Oh it’s not what I am)

And you’re still smiling for me

(It’s you) Will I be able to keep you safe?

I’m afraid

Here I go again (no)

The darkness come in my mind again

I stumble

And our dreams fade away

We have to get away from it

Before the darkness swallow us

Struggle for the win

Find the balance

I won’t let go of the light called “you”

I’m gonna win this fight

I can’t handle it, this weight on my shoulders

It scares me more as you are become more precious

When I’m covered in the shadows

My mind becomes unstable

The anxiety gets worse, Get away

You’re believing in me alone

Us two, it’s enough

We two are perfect

You and me, me and you

We’re already one

I’m afraid that the words that I’ve said might disappear like smoke

And you, holding on to it, might also disappear

What am I to you?

(I don’t know) I need affirmations (So I won’t change)

To me, you are my everything

(Trust me) I won’t let you go till the end

Never let you go

Here I go again (no)

The darkness come in my mind again

I stumble

And our dreams fade away

We have to get away from it

Before the darkness swallow us

Struggle for the win

Find the balance

I won’t let go of the light called “you”

I’m gonna win this fight

Just stay by my side

Even my wandering worries

They’re all for you

You’re surging like waves

Will I be able to carry you

Won’t my insecurity

Make you leave from my side

I might look silly now

But because of you, now, I am

Here I go again (no)

The darkness come in my mind again

I stumble

And our dreams fade away

We have to get away from it

Before the darkness swallow us

Struggle for the win

Find the balance

I won’t let go of the light called “you”

I’m gonna win this fight

**Author's Note:**

> THIS SERIES IS NOW OVER!! 5.5 months, 12 fics and over 73,000 words later, this undertaking has come to an end. I kind of wish that it could have ended on a less angsty note, but the lyrics to Eclipse aren't fluffy. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the finale, as well as all the other fics along the way. I hadn't anticipated it was going to be so hard writing all these but it was a fun challenge and, looking back, I'm actually quite proud of some of them. If anyone is curious, I think my favourites are Speak to My Soul and The Way We Were. I'd love it if you posted a comment with your favourites!
> 
> Also I would be open to keeping this series unfinished and coming back to it from time to time whenever I get inspiration from their title tracks, or from the repackage/ Japanese tracks that I didn't get around to. Would anyone be interested in that or should I just put an end to it here? Let me know, and keep an eye for Chasing the Horizon (which you can read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21495898/chapters/51231262) if you haven't done so yet) because I'll start updating that regularly in a week or two.
> 
> Till then be kind to each other and to yourselves ♥️


End file.
